You are responsible for your own Happiness!

This might be a little crude, or for some people hard to agree with and accept. 
Its something that I'm not sure if a lot of people can comprehend or have thought about before but its a sad place to be in this world when you see so many unhappy people!

With the recent suicide or Robin Williams, my own struggles and the struggles of people around me, I thought it time to raise the point of “what is happiness” and how do you achieve it?

We are so backward in our approach that we have evolved to consume, and we consume everything! What do we want more of? EVERYTHING? “I have an Iphone but apple release a new model, so I want that! It will definitely make me happier”. “I want to win the lottery because all that money will definitely make me happier!” “A new car! that is going to improve my life dramatically!”

Too many people watch these “reality” shows like “Made in Chelsea” and “The Kardashians” and people use these figures as role models for who they aspire to be, people with money and a lavish lifestyle because they seem so happy, but really, do they?

As little of these shows that I have watched, the people on them seems extremely unhappy as all they seem to do is complain, cry, argue, never a positive coming from most situations. The simple lesson that we overlook so often. “Things” do not make you happy. These guys are borderline clinically depressed!

Robin Williams was such a wealthy man, but something got to him so badly that he believed his only option was to end it all. He had it all and yet the negative aspect of his mind won. Possibly finding out about his Alzheimers removed his desire to continue.

On the other side of the spectrum we have situations, for example, If you have ever lost a loved one, how much money would you give to have them back, there is probably an unlimited figure you would hand over to have a few moments with that person again.

If you were on your death bed, where no amount of money could save you, does it matter that you had the latest iphone or you won the lottery? Of course not. All that matters is your family were around you that you made many memories with and shared your love.

The only two things that matter in life really when you think about it, is your health, and love, these things together form your happiness. And these are 100% connected.

First,lets look at who we are and what we have become!

500 years ago, if you were as skinny as a supermodel is today you would be on the “unattractive spectrum”, people that were skinny were considered to be poor. They were skinny because they didn't have enough food to stuff their faces and get fat. Look over your history books to find old paintings of kings and queens, they were all quite chubby.

Marilyn Monroe, classed as one of the most beautiful women to ever live, she had a completely normal body-fat percentage for a woman. The world loved her.

I think what has happened is in some way the Media has chipped away at us as people and instilled in us a need to become skinny and be more attractive like they way they portray people.

Lynx Adverts for men. “Use this deodorant, women will want you!”

Dove for women, “your skin will be softer, you will be more attractive”

“This Model is better looking that you”

“This football player has money, looks and women, you dont” you want to be him!

Groom yourself to a high standard! Wear plenty of makeup to hide yourself because you are now ugly and need to be so self conscious to purchase more! If your skin is white your ugly so use fake tan! If you don't wear these clothes you're ugly. Get an iphone or you're not being cool like everyone else!

And we lap it up!

The knock on effect of this is that we have been show how to be “happy” by Media.

We need to act a certain way, we need to look a certain way, and we need to have certain things, otherwise were doomed to remain depressed forever.

We strive and aspire to reach the heights of sophistication and attractiveness that is portrayed to us, but lets be honest, were never going to get there! Its not who we are, everyone is different!

Everyone!

X-factor is another social example of this, millions of people, with the majority of them being from teens to late twenties trying so hard to be the next big star, to make it big, to have the money, the fame and the popularity. Why? Most of them can't sing or produce an original song but they get up there on stage because its their “dream”, but thats all it is, a “Dream”.

They see their beloved pop stars up on stage or on TV and they think, I NEED to be like them because thats what life is, thats the good life!

Then you see the “Pop-stars” come crashing down. Michael Jackson -Depressed, Britney Spears - Depressed, Miley Cyrus - still in the stages or striving for some sort of acceptance. Justin Bieber - Will most likely have some major melt down in the near future.

Im not here to judge them, i'm just pointing out the trend, its not fame and money that will make you happy.

So who are some happy people!

The Dalai Lama! - What an extremely happy person, his country taken from him through violence with many many people brutally murdered, but yet remains so happy as all he could do was share his love and comfort to his people, then help people around the world learn with the same warmth.Then feeds off the love and warmth they show him in return!

I watched a documentary called happiness, basically trying to find who the happiest people in the world are. There was an Indian Man that lived with his family in a six foot by six foot shack. In the shacks all around him, his family members lived, his brothers and sisters, their children, his parents, his in law’s. He made little money as a cart puller, taxiing people around all day.

He never stopped smiling, Why? because he appreciated everything he had. His family, his children, a roof, enough food to live. He didn't careaboutt what he did not have!

He Looked at what he did have, and he understood why it was important!

He couldn't wait to get up for work, because he got lots of exercise and spend the day outside in the air and sun. When he got home he got to hug his children and see their smiles as they ran up the road to greet him. His wife had a warm meal cooked for him and in the evenings he would sit outside, around him family talking and laughing!

He seemed like a much richer man to me than any celebrity I had ever seen.

Of course there are aspects in life that affect our moods and our state of mind. We have a full spectrum of emotion. Guilt, grief, excitement, anger, relief, shame, hopel, the list could go on. But these emotions fit into two categories.

Happiness and Sadness, they are all simply extensions of these two core emotions. Positive and negative.

We cannot always control these emotions, grief for example, you lose someone you love you will grieve and miss that person, and so you should.

You pass an exam like a driving test or get through a difficult situation with a positive outcome you will feel relief, if you don't, see a doctor.

You cannot control these emotions, but you can control your mental state! No conscious person on the plant has, or ever will go through their life without hitting every emotion on the spectrum in some way. But every person makes either a conscious or subconscious decision of what type of person they are going to be. A “Happy” or “Sad” person.

It may seem like its a lot to struggle with and how can you be happy if everything seems to go wrong?

Put weight on the positive things in your life, then work to eliminate the negative aspects.

How do I do this?

First, I think of what is good about my life… even write it down!

“I have a roof over my head”

“I have a good family that will have my back when I need them”

“I have a job that I enjoy doing”

“I can eat well every day”

“I can survive on my wages”

“I’m Healthy”

“Holidays to look forward to”

You may not think of everything that is positive in your life straight away, but its a list, and when you think of something, add to it!

Keep picturing what you have, The glass is half full and getting fuller.

Second, remind yourself every day of what you have, and allow less space in your mind for what you don't have.

The negatives in most cases will be temporary situations,

“Boss is pissing me off”

“Caught a cold”

“Cant find a job”

“Not enough money to go on holiday”

But here is your choice. Lets push the Positives to the back and dwell on the negatives “WHAT we don't have” or choose to celebrate the positives!

I know from experience, I was a very negative person, getting out of bed to face ANOTHER day was depressing. I knew I was depressed, and I didn't know how to deal with it!

But I learned, I trained my mental attitude to start enjoying life, enjoying situations and going places, even if it was just a walk. I learned to enjoy exercise with released endorphins which made me even more positive.

And slowly I kept chipping away at it, trying so hard to never allow myself slip back into a poor mental state. I'm sure the closest people to me know would agree, I'm a different person to the person I was 10 years ago.

And its all down to that choice…

And it was the best choice I ever made!